tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734645058271734681.post4934188495634890977..comments2024-03-26T08:42:50.357-07:00Comments on One Baha'i's approach...: EngagementMeadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02046847133963919765noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734645058271734681.post-84633042533822425572011-01-12T12:35:32.463-08:002011-01-12T12:35:32.463-08:00I think the 95 days has a particular purpose in ma...I think the 95 days has a particular purpose in making sure parents' consent is in-date when the wedding actually comes. If the parents gave consent, say, a year before the marriage, it would be much more likely that they might revise their views over that year, and it would then create complicated and unfair problems for the children for parents to try to revise matters having given the all-go; so the 95 days ensures it is "in date" and really is all-go.<br />The other thing i feel strongly, is that engagement should be seen the same as marrying, not some lesser maybe-maybe-not-we'll-see-sometime-we-might-marry, and recognition of the logistics that marriage doesn't happen in a single day, the engagement is the starting of marriage and the "marriage" the completion of it, like the laying of the foundations of a house is its beginning, and the placing of the roof its completion. One process, all of equal significance as concerns their identical purpose, not two separate things.<br /><br />DMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734645058271734681.post-60763897295223514632010-11-29T09:48:36.508-08:002010-11-29T09:48:36.508-08:00"What happens if a couple get engaged and the..."What happens if a couple get engaged and the 95 days is over and they can't get married (not that they don't want to) but for reasons that they aren't in control of?"<br /><br />Spiritual Assemblies are servants and guides to the members of their community, not hidebound dictators and bean counters. If something is out of your control, it's out of your control. Take the problem to the responsible Assembly in a spirit of loving consultation, and trust them to find your answer.<br /><br />For example, by time I was ready to contemplate marriage, it was impossible to find my natal parents, because mine was a closed adoption and my home state was very strict about that. I tried, but no go. (My nurturant parents were dead by then; and while it wasn't mandatory that I seek their approval, in a spirit of unity I surely would've if I could've.)<br /><br />I appealed to my Spiritual Assembly, explaining what I had tried and how fruitless it had all been; and their answer was that I had made every reasonable effort in good faith and they considered that being properly obedient to Baha'u'llah's law regarding parental approval.<br /><br />I'm sure they would've been equally loving if, as in your example, passport/residency issues had interfered. Granted, they might have gently asked why we didn't ensure such issues were resolved before getting formal approval and becoming engaged. But they would also, I feel, have understood bureaucratic hold-ups and given us the prayerful support we'd need to endure through to a resolution and be married as soon as legally possible (especially since the Writings also admonish us to be obedient to our rightful governments).<br /><br />Hope this answer helps.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734645058271734681.post-4000393739602879292010-11-28T01:00:26.845-08:002010-11-28T01:00:26.845-08:00What happens if a couple get engaged and the 95 da...What happens if a couple get engaged and the 95 days is over and they can't get married (not that they don't want to) but for reasons that they aren't in control of? for example passport/residency issues??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734645058271734681.post-88909049537928265282010-11-20T11:44:45.217-08:002010-11-20T11:44:45.217-08:00I like this post, too. Ninety-five days may seem r...I like this post, too. Ninety-five days may seem really soon, but I think it's just enough time for a couple to decide if they really want to go through with it, and it's short enough for the relationship to still be exciting - thus sort of "supercharging" the relationship into a force to be reckoned with by doing a Baha'i marriage.<br /><br />I also think there is a wisdom to not living together before getting married. I know some people think that is "old fashioned", and therefore "bad", but there have been unbiased sociological research into this concept, and one important study found that people who moved in together AFTER getting married tended to have more fulfilling relationships, than those who already lived together before getting married. I'm not making a judgment call on people who live together who aren't married, I just think this is interesting.Mohammedhttp://www.goldensufi.org/beliefs_ethics.htmlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734645058271734681.post-26168358550255205992010-11-18T18:01:06.244-08:002010-11-18T18:01:06.244-08:00I recently had a conversation with a parent who ha...I recently had a conversation with a parent who had given consent to her child, understanding at the time that the couple planned to marry within 95 days (although not required). The time has extended far longer, and instead of growing closer in marriage, they are now doing many separate activities and not as close.<br /><br />Susanne Alexander<br />www.bahaimarriage.net<br />www.bahairelationships.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com